I don’t know about you, but this has been a difficult week. It is as if I have been traveling for so long that the wonders of the world no longer shine with their marvelous newness. I know what’s happening is awesome, but I just don’t feel it. Once there were highs with each success, now there is just a “BLAH” – done it before.
I have been doubting myself and my goals. Maybe, I’m not good at this. Maybe I can’t possibly make this work. Maybe I was wrong about synchronicity and meaning. Maybe, I need a new high? I’m good at other things, and unlike art, “proven” to be good at it. Seriously, I’m a really good teacher, project manager, designer and other things. I’m an ideal employee.
BUT, it really did seem like when I started sharing my art that I was making not just a good choice, but one that cracked open a view of the world that made everything fall into place. An authentically, meaningful choice.
I’ve been trying. I’ve been coaching myself and telling myself this:
Doubt is a natural part of the artistic process, dance with it.
But doubt is a sucky dance partner, all he does is step on my feet and piss me off and he won’t leave me alone! Grrrrr….
This morning, I woke to two unsolicited messages. Seriously, they were in my inbox when I woke up from two separate but wonderful souls.
One is a cartoon from a friend from: http://themetapicture.com/born-like-an-artist.
And then this one:
“So since I’m still up at 3 this morning, I want to tell you how incredibly beautiful your print is, and how much it means to me. The gold details bring such life to the vivid colors. The curves and circle touch something deeply feminine in me. And the reds and oranges takes the pain and hurt that has been my life-long companion and turned it into beauty. You created art that speaks to my soul, and I will forever be proud to have your work grace my home.”
And there it is again; this is meaningful! This is the right choice.
Dang, it is hard though. It is a boiling pot full of doubt, self-reflection, points of weakness, victory, beauty, vision and giving, giving, giving but… it is the right choice. And there are no borders – it is messy.
More awe-inspiring are two in-tuned people out there who snapped doubt back in place for me this morning. Thank you. Keep doing that to everyone in your life.
I think we all should.
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